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Monday, November 26, 2007
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CHRIST-NO-MAS
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Ho Ho Holiday suckers! All of you who have eagerly awaited this most "festive" of seasons, the journey is over! Revel in merriment and booze laden rum cakes for it is the only time of year when it is socially acceptable to devour alcoholic desserts anywhere at any hour. But God forbid you chug a fifth of Captain Morgans in your kitchen with your morning coffee while reading Fred Bassett's latest side splitting head scratcher. A sick, depraved drunk you would be!! But inject a "cake" with half a bottle of the good juice and you're simply partaking in a little holiday joy! Kick it up while you can...and for God sakes, someone hide that woman's keys.
Like the flick of a light switch connected to some obscene million watt halogen, blinding us all with the unbearable glare of consumerism, the holiday season has been thrust upon us with the force and intensity of a skilled pimp's well honed bitch slap. It's lethal and powerful, while still possessing the efficiency and accuracy of a laser guided missile. "The Season" is no longer an event of anticipation, building to a grand crescendo as the summer fades and the fall season rolls out the red carpet for the grand trifecta of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. No sir, we are no longer afforded the luxury of foresight and anticipation...we are TOLD when the season is here. When you least expect it, the switch will be thrown and the marketing orgy ensues. The only true anticipation of this season resides in the corporate war rooms as 9 months of strategic plotting and scheming unfold in an orgasmic fury by men who are too old and blood thirsty to even think about orgasms.
Halloween marks the starting line for an explosion of commercialism so vast and profound it becomes the very essence and the meaning of the 21st century holiday season. No sooner have the children started sorting out the good candy from the shit (if you're the lame sap doling out the mini Tootsie Rolls...that would be you), ready to begin the forcible onset of prepubescent acne, have the holiday commercials begun revving their engines...fueled by the explosive combustion of the almighty dollar. This year we woke up from the High Fructose hangover to find our TV's plastered with commercials typically seen when we awake from the post Thankgiving meal nap. Surely someone in the video room must have been trigger happy...this must be a gross lapse in judgment, right? WRONG my friend. This one is as calculated and crafted as they come. It's 85 degrees outside these walls and the conniving bastards have blizzards and snowmen littering my screen. It's a crime against nature let alone humanity!
With the nation's economy spiraling into the shitter faster than most of you reading this now have any conceivable idea, Corporate America decided it was necessary to take drastic action. They decided to start "The Holiday Season" nearly a month early to kick start the economy, prematurely inducing spending. Like trying to force a fetus out of the womb at 5 months. The only way to get John and Jane American to spend their green is to force feed their spongy brains with the manipulative powers of marketing. Nothing in this world has the power to control the thought process of humans like television. Not even...dare I say...GOD. Strong statement, but prove me wrong. I'm a devout follower, but an equally staunch realist. A realist who shall provide a sensible example to what shall undoubtedly be perceived as a blasphemous claim. And that is...
BLACK FRIDAY
I'm not referring to the lunch special Popeye's Chicken holds each week, no sir, I am referring to the day where vast numbers of Americans act in a manner that is so senseless and insane that God Himself must look down upon us and shake His head in shame. He reminisces of the days when He garnered that much passion and respect. When people made tremendous sacrifices of their time, effort, and yes...even their money...for Him. But now, these lunatics waking up at 3am, standing in lines wrapping around city blocks for hours on end, fighting crowds of people with ferocity and lack of civility and respect. This is what the Material Nation has risen to. I await the year that Christmas inherits a sponsor. MERRY PROCTER & GAMBLE CHRISTMAS!! The Holiday season in which we claim to celebrate is lost. Granted, there has always been an element of commercialism for as long as their have been gifts to give, but it has now reached a new low where the gifts were once a small part of the big picture...and now the gifts ARE the picture.
I'm not going to go on the stereotypical Christmas Carol "God bless us everyone" holiday rant about how we need to love and appreciate each other because "that's what the season is really all about". No thanks, we'll all be bombarded with it soon enough in the coming month...no need to bastardize that before it naturally occurs. I'm simply a little peeved about Christmas being shoved down our throats so soon and so intensely. If I wanted to be ass raped by corporate America with a candy cane dildo, I would simply...well, I know a little place that would have given it to me for a few bucks and a 6-pack. But that's beside the point!!
The point is, we were once succumbing to the commercialization of the holiday season just as we were slowly on the brink of global warming. Unfortunately, this seems to be the year where both of them have shown the full brunt of their fury. It makes one wonder where exactly we are headed and how fast we're getting there not knowing where it is we're going. There is a distinct possibility that 20 years from now kids will be listening to Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" wondering what the hell this white stuff is that he is singing about. Lets just hope when they hear it, they know what Christmas is. |
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posted by Boyce
11:40 PM
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Monday, November 19, 2007
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Little Fish
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Growing up, I was all about sports. I have always firmly believed that sports was the wall that kept my brother and I out of prison or from becoming degenerate scum, infesting the earth like so many do now. Growing up without a father, my brother (along with my 2 sisters) and I did what we could go grow up without that influence. And while Mom worked to miraculously support us, we fended for our selves for a majority of our waking hours. While some kids would emerge into mischievous, deviant creatures...we all were genuinely good kids, and have evolved into great people.
My brother and I immersed ourselves in to all of the local Philadelphia sports teams, played football and street hockey until the sun went down...starting a little after the run rose on weekends. Even to this day my brother and I are die hard Philly fans...texting each other 30-50 times while we watch the same game hundreds of miles apart. And with this borderline fanaticism, I have all of the accoutrement required to represent my teams...the Eagles, Flyers and Phillies. Hats, jerseys, t-shirts, thongs...you name it.
I played a bunch of team sports throughout my youth; football, baseball, soccer, and hockey...hockey being the longest and most intensely dedicated. My Mom would check out a few games here and there, but mostly we'd be dropped off, play our game, and be picked up. It was a blessing and a curse as there was no real pressure or nerves of your Mom watching...but the lack of presence and perceived support had its drawbacks. But win or lose...Mom or no Mom, we did what we loved and it still connects us to this day.
Having a daughter I never felt the disappointment of not being able to share my love for sports. I never threw it on her and never shied away from it. I wore my jerseys, rooted for me teams, and in the process she grew to realize that Dad really gets into this thing! As the years went on she asked questions, cheered when she didn't know what she was cheering for, and in grand Daddy's Little Girl fashion, became a die-hard fan to join her Dad. As she got older she learned more and more, acquiring jerseys and hats of her own, knowing players and positions, and most critically being a Philly fan...knowing who to boo the hell out of. As of late she has been throwing stats and records at me that I had no clue about! Between her step-dad, and me sports too has become a dominant presence in her life. She's a mini Sportcenter at times. I've always wondered if she has truly come to enjoy it, or if she jumps on the train because she thinks it's the best way to connect to connect with me. Thankfully, it has become very apparent that she enjoys it.
I took Abbey to her first Magic game last year and I went in expecting her to lose interest quick. The first time in an arena filled with 19,000 people is quite a site, and the players on the court can often be the last thing being focused on. Basketball being the sport I watch the least, I didn't think she was subjected to it enough to know or care what was going on. Live basketball can be tough to follow as it is. As the Magic are the only professional team in this city I have grown to love them in my years here and the Philly 76ers have taken a backseat to them. And here I was introducing her to a pro sport. My perceptions and expectations of her experience couldn't have been more wrong. She got in to it in ways I never expected. And I knew it was legit and she was screaming not solely because everyone else was, when she jumped up and screamed "Boooo!! You stink Milicic!!" after the team's backup center had been playing horrible all night long. She was screaming for foul calls by the 3rd quarter and with her giant blue foam finger and Magic tee, so was born a soon-to-be die hard fan. And I knew she inherited a little bit of the Philly gene when she started giving our own players flack for missing shots. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Who needs a boy to experience sports with...I have the coolest daughter in the world. A grand mix of girly-girl, artsy artist and musician, creative writer, and frequenter of the word "dude"...another little trait from Dad.
About 6 months ago, Abbey joined the YMCA swim team. At 11 years old, it was her first organized sport. She took gymnastics for a year but never competed in an organized meet. From the start we knew she found her niche. She was a natural from day 1. Her form, her focus, and her SPEED, were unbelievable. After trying to figure out for what seemed like forever what activity to put her in, she finally found one that she loves and kicks ass at.
The first few classes she did not have the swimming fins each swimmer uses for practice. So naturally all of the kids had an edge with the fins adding far more propulsion and speed. But Abbey, being ever so competitive, refused to let this hold her back. As they swam laps she kicked and stroked twice as hard to keep pace. Well, she didn't keep pace with the kids. She obliterated them. She was passing her teammates as if she were in a speedboat. It was incredible.
Enter the Fin.
Need I explain the result of the Fins? Domination. As they taught the team additional strokes, she naturally had ones she excelled in, and ones she needed to develop as they were new to her. But regardless of her skill level in any swim style, I am incredibly happy that she found something she loves.
This past Saturday Abbey had her first swim meet. It was an intense and stressful experience for all as her nerves were definitely on edge being in front of hundreds of people at the Aquatic Center. She was to race in 5 races of 50 yards each. It was sure to be a test of endurance...mentally and physically. There were a total of 106 races during this meet - her first being the seventh, and her last being #106. It was a rough start as she began with one of her least favorites, the butterfly. She finished 5th out of 6 but in the end there was a bit of relief on her face having gotten that first one out of the way. But with the adrenaline and nerves she swam so furiously she wore herself out by the end. I ran over and hugged the hell out of her...I was so proud of her. This was her first competitive event ever. The second race was an entirely different story, her favorite stroke...the back stroke. She immediately jumped to an early lead and got to the end of the pool a good 7-10 seconds before anyone else. By the time she was half way back to the other end, the other girls were just turning around at the wall. The last 20 yards she slowed considerably and you could tell she was running on fumes. But even with this drastic trail off, she won by 10 yards. As she swam the last lap I was on my knees at the end of the lane, shaking like a leaf, heart pounding out of my chest, hands together in prayer mode, screaming "GO BABY GO!!!" And when she hit that finish line I jumped like I've never jumped before. I wanted to dive in and swim to the other side to hug her...but I opted to run to the other side instead. She did it, she won her 2nd race EVER. I think she was in disbelief and hadn't truly absorbed the significance of what she had just done. She practices 4 days a week for 2 hours each day, but she wasn't prepared for the intensity of this day. That raced drained everything she had in her, but she was still able to bust out a proud smile. I squeezed her until I absorbed every ounce of water in her swimsuit. It was a moment I'll cherish forever.
Her last 3 races were finished on sheer courage and determination, as she had nothing left to give. She was so exhausted and her muscles were trembling. At this point I encouraged her to give whatever she could in these last races and that she had already achieved so much in her first meet. And I'll be damned if she didn't finish every last lap as hard as she could. After her last race she was so relieved and thankful that it was over...that is until her coach told her she had to swim a relay because another girl backed out. Never before have I seen eyes alone scream "ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME???" as these little brown eyes did. I don't know how she did it. But she did.
Few things are more rewarding than to see your child grow to possess such strength and determination when faced with a task or challenge that is intimidating and tests you mentally and physically. I have never been more proud of what she achieved and the little woman...GIRL, girl...she has become, allowing her to achieve it. It will take something drastic or catastrophic to keep me from one of her meets (knock on wood). She will always know that her Dad will be there to support her in her successes or downfalls...whether its in sports or in life itself. And it is my hope that when she one day looks back on her childhood, the meaning of sports in her life will carry an even greater significance than it did for her Dad. |
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posted by Boyce
12:17 AM
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