The Gospel According To Boyce: April 2007

Monday, April 16, 2007

IgnorImus

OK folks, this whole Imus fiasco has gone on long enough. The media circus is still revolving around this story with the intensity of starving vultures over a massive herd of freshly slaughtered cow carcasses. The fact that it even received this level of attention to begin with is appalling. We're going on 2 weeks now since first Imus spoke those words and its still as fresh in the spotlight as the moment the first person said, "Oh no he didn't!!" With all of the far more serious and critical news and information that so desperately needs our attention, our simple-minded short attention spans are diverted to this bullshit like a jingling shiny object to a child with A.D.D. Its no wonder we can't repair what is so evidently crumbling around us. The urgency needed to turn this misguided and deteriorating world around is overshadowed weekly by mundane, insignificant, mindless bullshit that serves no purpose other than to dehumanize us and further enhance our finely crafted penchant for ignorance and stupidity.

Yes, Imus is an idiot for not knowing when and where to speak the garbage that litters his decrepit mind. His words, thoughts, rants & raves fill the airwaves throughout this great nation on a daily basis. His audience reaches well over a million people, with the potential for millions more. Certainly any and all verbal purges he does not filter or censor will be scrutinized under the microscope of political correctness this country has shamefully fallen victim to. He's done it before and he will surely do it again...and he has. Except this time its bitten him in the ass...hard. His job, and likely his career, is over. Is the punishment fitting? Absolutely not.

Nearly 2 weeks ago, Imus called the Rutgers womens college basketball team "nappy-headed hos". A team that is primarily comprised of black women. Poor choice of words there buddy. Anyone with half a brain can should know that spouting out words like that will not incur the most positive repercussions. For a man who's been in the business for decades, he should know better. But judging by past moments of ignorance, he seemingly falls just below the bar of half-brained. So it's settled, the man made a dumb ass remark and consequences are sure to...and should...follow. This is where things get carried away.

Lets forget about the First Amendment and Freedom of Speech for one moment. We are living in 2007 America anyway so its not too far fetched to imagine an existence with limited and regressing rights. While this amendment is one of many which are vital to the integrity of our country, there are tremendous limitations when using this right in certain forums. Particularly when Big Business is involved; when your words now represent Big Business and the sponsors get angry, the almighty dollar trumps this freedom. I get this, and the Freedom of Speech argument I've heard regarding this subject doesn't hold water here...unfortunately.

Double Standard. Perhaps you've heard this phrase echoing the TV and radio stations as they find every conceivable angle to approach this story. For years now black rappers, comedians, TV personalities and actors to name a few have talked about bitches and hos, and nappy ass weaves quite liberally. They speak a word that was once so abominable and derogatory that up until 15 years ago the use of it would incite anger, rage and resentment. I am of course referring to the word n*gger. As I write that sentence I debate whether or not to edit it as I have. Even if it is being used to explain a point in which it refers. The point in this Double Standard? When and why is it OK for some people to use a word, but not others? If it's good for one, it should be good for all. The "n-word" in my mind is indeed an abhorrent word, but how can it not be to the people it was used against for so long? I can never conceive of nor understand this point for obvious reasons. Now what about nappy-headed hos? It's sung about, talked about, used as the subject for comedy as well as insult. Its used as freely and openly as "please pass the salt" in come circles. Its OK for them, but not for Imus. Double Standard.

Now lets talk about the apology. Imus made a remark to the women of the Rutgers College basketball team. They were the subject, the target...the victims if you will. And because race is involved (although nappy headed is a knock on their hair, and hos refers to a woman who gets around...no race there, right? I know, I know.) the typical slime seeps out of the woodwork. Somewhere in a dark pit of sleaze and greed a red phone rings. The phone sits on a pedestal in the center of a room like the centerpiece of some priceless museum display. And when it rings lights flash, sirens howl and bells ring like a fire house in go-mode. It is the cornerstone of the organization, the key to its success. Whenever an issue of race hits the news this is the hub, central operations, the command center of it all. Racing to the ringing phone with the speed and fury of doped track star Ben Johnson, a man jerks the receiver to his ear.

"Go ahead"

"Mr. Sharpton...we have a situation"

And so it begins. Sharpton sounds an alarm in the Civil Rights Bat Cave and soon his sidekick Jesse Jackson darts eagerly to his side. Finally, they have a situation to exploit for their own agenda and their attention starved egos. We now have a "representative" for all black people who have been slighted. They were not called or summoned by the women of the Rutgers basketball team. Hell, no one asked them to crawl out of the rocks they reside under. They just appear, like roaches when the lights turn off. It's time to spark a protest, a boycott...a travesty is in the making!! Make sure you get my good side for this press conference!!

Sharpton is now the judge and the jury. For it is he who will ultimately accept or deny the apology that ensues. Just as he did in the Michael Richards fiasco, Sharpton represents and speaks for an entire race of people. I don't know about you but if someone had the audacity to speak for me if someone took a jab at me, I'd tell them to back the hell off. I fight my own battles. Who the hell entitles this man to do what he does?

Listen, the man was put through the ringer. Like I said, his comments were off base, ridiculous and ignorant. I in no way condone his words, nor do I support him. But for the love of God to take away his job??? That's just bullshit. Overkill because when a jackass like Sharpton takes advantage of the race card, corporate America falls to its knees because it fears the dreaded race card more than any other. And Sharpton knows this. Can no one tell Sharpton, OK the guy has been punished enough, he apologized, has been dragged through the mud in the press, and his reputation has taken a huge hit. Apology accepted, let's move on. Go back to your radio show where the leash will be tighter than ever, serve a lengthy suspension and prepare to live under an electron microscope for the rest of your career. That would be more than punishment enough for a comment as simple as "nappy-headed hos". Ever listen to Stern when he was on radio? Nappy-headed hos is NOTHING!

Shame on you Imus for being a moron. Shame on you Sharpton for taking advantage of racism and using the black people as your publicity and agenda plugging tool. Shame on you corporate America for bowing to your knees and being the spineless bitch of people like Sharpton. Shame on you America for allowing yourselves to be sucked into this story and every other senseless gossip column controversy as you remain inexcusably blind to the stories we all need to pay attention to.

And shame on me for allowing this bullshit to eat away at me enough to have to write this. But hey, someone has to bitch slap you bastards to open your eyes. Wait, did I say bitch slap? Isn't that what a pimp does? Oh shit, Sharpton's phone's ringing!!!

posted by Boyce 12:57 AM 0 comments

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Saturday, April 7, 2007

The Sleaze of Sneeze

It's a conspiracy...a CONSPIRACY I SAY!!! For the past 2-3 months straight...although lets say the past 6 months for the sake of a scrumptious read...I have been unable to smell the world around me (which in some cases is a blessing), or breathe with even the slightest bit of ease. I've been stuffed up, clogged up, and plugged up like a...well, there's a gang bang joke here but its too easy, so I'll refrain. I think you get the picture. Everyone I've encountered has been suffering the same fate. It doesn't fall in the same category of the flu, cold, or any of the other strains of vicious viruses plaguing the land. It's something much more sinister and evasive. It's not enough to lay you up for days on your sofa while you watch 20 year old reruns of General Hospital (not that I ever would), but its just enough to make you daily existence one hell of an annoyance.

Some call it pollen, some call it spores, some call it mold or dander or dust or pestilence. Whatever the hell it is, it has burrowed its way into a nice little crevice in our nasal cavities and established imminent domain. The foundation's been laid, the white picket fence has been erected and a nice little swing set has been built for the offspring that will soon follow. You can't avoid it my friends. Add this to death and taxes as the only certainties of life...Death, Taxes, and Allergies. Unless you're the bubble boy (I'm sorry, the answer is Moops...Moops) breathing will never be the same.

I know what you're asking at this very moment, "But you mentioned a conspiracy Boyce, what about the conspiracy??" Glad you're paying attention, you get a gold star my friend. The conspiracy you so deftly inquired about lays in the corrupt corporate machine that is the TISSUE COMPANY. That's right, the tissue companies.

Don't let their commercials fool you with their soft, snuggly, comforting message of lotion filled nasal relief. The only blowing that's done here is the smoke they're blowing up your ass. Take your standard run-of-the-mill tissue. No lotion or extra soft 3-ply...just the generic old school version. So ahead and grab one of those bad boys. Now blow baby blow!! Be sure to do this in a well lit area with a dark background. It works great in your car on a sunny day with the windows up. Now go ahead and blow yourself into an aneurysm. Now take a look around you...dust. Tons upon tons of white run off from the very object that is supposed to clear your nose. The air is now filled with white tissue dust created by just one blow. As you crumble the tissue and discard it, taking that first deep breath of life-giving oxygen with newly excavated nasal passage, what happens? You guessed it...in goes the dust. Once again, without warning or knowledge, the very item that was supposed to clear you out has filled you up. This can only result in one consequence...the need for another tissue.

I now ask a question that we all inevitably ask...where the hell does this shit come from? This "pollen" so many speak of. Text books throughout history will tell you a tale of botanical nature in which pollen is created and housed in various plants. They will then tell you that bees pick up the pollen in their physical attraction to the plants that create it. As the pollen sticks to the bee it hitches a ride along the path of the bee's travels as the bee drops bits of it, pollinating other plants. They will also tell you the wind aids in the spread of this congestive nuisance.

It's time to call bullshit where bullshit is due.

You expect me to believe that bees are one of the primary sources of spreading this shit? I'd expect massive swarms so thick they block out the sun with the amount of pollen that litters the landscape. I don't think so. Its the tissue companies. They pump tons and tons of laboratory made, genetically engineered pollen into the air via smoke stacks and air drops. Perhaps you've gazed toward the sky and observed what are commonly known as "contrails" streaked across the sky like some godly game of tic-tac-toe. Planes leaving trails of cloud-like matter in their wake. Do a little research on this and you will find this phenomenon is unexplained. Indeed. Pollen my friends. Have you ever felt a sneeze coming on and in order to bring it on to get it over with you look toward the sky? Works every time doesn't it? Air dropped pollen falling from the heavens like invisible snow, caking the world around us.

Don't be fooled good people of America. If we have learned anything over the past few years it is that corporations run us and will stop at nothing to earn the almighty dollar. They have taken the one thing that is vital to our existence...breathing. All in an effort to peddle fraction of a millimeter thin paper. Hell of a trade off...air for Puffs. And let's not even get into the pharmaceutical companies they are in cahoots with as they bank on the booming business of allergy medicine. Claratin...well over $10 for a week's supply. Nice!

The next time you sneeze, listen carefully...for in the distance you will here the sound of change piling up in a vault somewhere...chump change.

And to you...to all of you...I say, God Bless You.

posted by Boyce 9:29 PM 0 comments

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