If I stopped eating meat tomorrow...would I save a cow or chicken? And if I saved said cow or chicken, would they be eaten by someone else and thus not truly saved? If I ditched my car and rode a bike everywhere, would I help reduce greenhouse gases and on some strange minute plane of relativity or butterfly effect, help to slow down global warming? What about all of the kids who are now turning 16 and will soon join the millions currently on the road...will my paltry bike riding really make a difference? What if I stopped wiping my ass tomorrow? Would I save a tree? Or would the extra hot water I would have to use to wash out the horrid stains in my drawers just add to another facet of our environmental abomination. If I eat right, exercise, and live the healthy productive life that is preached by everyone everywhere, will I live a longer life? In doing so, would I not be contributing to the overpopulation of the world and thus further deplete what’s left of our resources?

For every question, theory or idea, there are inevitably counteractions, retorts, and rebuttals that negate and contradict everything from a mere whim, to extensively researched scientific data. So when looking at the big picture, does it make a difference either way…these decisions with perceived global, ecological, or environmental implications? Left or right, up or down, for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. For every step I take forward, someone takes 2 backward. For every light I turn off to save electricity, a skyscraper consisting on tens of thousands of light bulbs turns it’s power on for the first time. For every ounce of water I save, somewhere in Iowa a curious 5-year-old boy repeatedly flushes the toilet, watching it spiral into the great unknown. I know what you’re thinking, what the hell else could there be to do in Iowa? Nothing. Nothing at all. But nonetheless the water has been wasted.

And so I wonder…does anything really make a difference?

Of course the typical response is, “If a million people stopped wiping their ass today, we would save 50 acres of rain forest a year! Every ass makes a difference!” Power in numbers you might say. Of course that is a perfectly reasonable assessment…if not for the obscene population explosion that theoretically negates this “million strong”. Millions upon millions of newborn baby asses are primed and ready to be wiped down with precious Amazon rain forest toilet paper and baby wipes. And let’s not even get into 2-ply…sheer devastation!!

If the concept of “everyone doing their part” had any chance of succeeding, we would have seen the results long ago because it’s been drilled into our heads from the get go. I recall my mother’s tirades when I was a child…

”Close the door, do you think we live in a barn?!? What are you trying to heat/cool the whole neighborhood??”

“Turn off the light in your room!! You’re wasting electricity!!”

“You just wait ‘til I find out who your father is, he’ll whip your ass for leaving the refrigerator door open!!”

If the pleas of our own mothers were insufficient enough to make a difference, then what is?

While the motivation behind these seemingly environmentally conscious maternal rants may have appeared noble and eco-friendly, the reality of it is they were rooted from nothing more than money and the need to save it. Cash, baby…Daddy Greenback. The truth is, the great majority of the world’s populace throughout the past century has never really seemed to give a rat’s ass about the environmental repercussions of their actions. Or they simply turned a blind eye (an eye that ironically became blind from overexposure to toxic waste). Unless of course it was a blatant and obvious offense like clubbing a seal with a piece of dead veal and using the dead seal to choke a whale. Then laughing at the dead whale for being dead and throwing its carcass back into the depths of the ocean “just because we can”. Aside from that marginal offense…chop it down, burn it up, toss it in a river, lake or stream, nuke it, ditch it, dump it, pump it…anything goes. There was no need to worry about the consequences, for dwelling on consequences only serves to deter progress.

And so here we are, probing the inner depths of these “consequences” like the receiving end of a prostate exam by Shaq. We are the generation who will now pay the price for those who have preceded us. And those of you who are still around and contributed…hell of a job, really. LOVE what you’ve done with the place. Is that a lead-based paint? It really provides a nice shine!

So the proverbial ball is now rolling with a momentum and fury that is virtually impossible to reverse, let alone slow down. Have we reached the point of no return? Some would say without a doubt, while others would vehemently disagree. Point and counterpoint, action and reaction. The collective consciousness of those who inhabit this planet appears (in the eyes of this author) to be that of self-absorption fueled by a determination to achieve success for one’s self. You might say the American Dream has created the American Nightmare. A pursuance of self, that resulted in the negligence of all.

And so we have come full circle, back to my initial point: Are we beyond making a significant difference considering the magnitude of damage that has already been done and the rate it is accelerating? Do we even know where to begin? All of the changes I’ve made on my part seem futile and miniscule in the grand scheme of it all. It seems we should divert the primary focus from preventative measures and focus now on damage control. The stories, the warnings, the hypothesis’…they not too long ago predicted our ecological demise. Subconsciously, we knew they would come to fruition, but never in our lifetime…or at the very least, the distant future. But here it is, without warning.

It’s as if we woke up one morning and there it was…you wake up in bed next to El Nino and La Nina in a cheap motel room that’s 98 degrees in November. You’re lying on a bed that is vibrating like an earthquake while water from the overflowing bathtub surges in from the bathroom like a tsunami creating a devastating flood in the room. Your throat is a severe drought and burns like a raging forest fire from the stacks of smokes you sucked down the night before. Your head is spinning like a tornado from the 5 hurricanes and 3 mudslides you drank last night and your gut is telling you a volcanic eruption is about to occur at any moment.

Somewhere an egghead scientist is sending hundreds of “Fuck You, I told you so!!” cards to the colleagues who questioned and denounced his theories. Bravo Mr. Science Man…B-R-A-V-O.

As the gas prices across the country continue to skyrocket to levels never seen before, people everywhere are now beginning to reexamine the efficiency of their automobiles, how they drive, how often they drive, and any other means of reducing the inevitable cost associated with this hike. This story dominates the news with predictions of over $4.00 per gallon increases by mid-summer. The impact on lower income families is huge as they are forced to reevaluate their budgets and cut back on other essentials. Buses and subways are now overcrowded with frugal passengers trying to minimize the hit to their wallets. We need gasoline, we need oil, and regardless of the price increase, most of us will continue to pay, as our immediate alternatives are few. And as the nation becomes consumed with this growing panic and concern, I now begin to reflect on my own personal opinion on this matter. My conclusion?

I don’t give a rats ass.

With current gas prices inching over $3 a gallon, the cost to fill my tank is now over $80. This will usually last me 3 weeks...sometimes 2. Under the hood of my SUV lies a V-8, 5.9L, 4-wheel-drive mammoth engine. On a good day, I can hope for 13-15 miles per gallon. My mode of transportation epitomizes the American way. Large, gas-guzzling behemoths whose size and ruggedness serve no purpose other than to look like a badass or a status symbol to the shallow society in which we live. While my M.O. falls into neither of these categories, my logic is simple: I’ve earned it damn it. For 12 years I've dealt with cars that required constant attention, upkeep and maintenance. I had to coddle and baby the engine, often rubbing the dash, thanking the vehicle for getting me from point A to point B. I would drive with hesitation, paranoia, and in constant prayer that I wouldn't be stranded on the side of the road on a blistering summer day. Sometimes my prayers to the automotive Gods would go unanswered, and I would be left blocking traffic as I attempted to start a dead piece of shit at an intersection. All too often I have been faced with the question, "Will it cost more to fix it, or to buy a new car?" Analyzing and weighing the options; trying to predict the future ailments that would surely plague my car after this repair is complete. No thanks...not anymore.

I've paid my dues, put in my time, and swallowed more than my share of pride. Now it’s my turn to drive without a second thought. It’s my turn to start my beast without crossing my fingers in hopes it starts on the first, second, or third turn of the key. It’s my turn to drive in comfort without the fear of stalling. No knocks, no pings, no screeching, whirring, clicking or clunking. Just smooth sailing. Riding high above the highway in all my glory, silently and comfortably.

So is the increase a pain in the ass? Damn right it is. It hits my wallet just as much as the next guy. But the bigger picture for me is the path I've endured to get the vehicle I now own. Sheer principle, coupled with my own stubbornness says, "fuck it." Raise it all you want. You're not going to stop me asshole. I'll watch as my needle drifts rapidly toward E. And when that light pops up and the chime rings, I'll fill it again.

This is my ride, and this is my time...For I am the glutton of gas.

I've been engaged in an ongoing dialogue with my dear friend Patrick about a subject I feel very passionate about. In my plight to spread awareness, I have decided to share these thoughts with anyone who cares to hear them:


The ol Bush regime is attempting to approve a bill that will allow the use of "small" nukes to use at will in battle. Not the giant ICMB's we were taught to fear during the Cold War. These are new nukes...mini nukes. I was blown away when I heard this. In my mind, a nuke is like a lie...no matter how big or small, a lie is a lie and either way you size it, it's wrong.

I've been doing a TON of reading lately on this administration and the history of Bush's cabinet members. Nearly all of them are crooks with ties and connections to corporations that serve to profit from their plight of a "New World Order" - they should just say it for what it really is, Global Domination. Granted, most politicians are crooks, but these guys raise the bar to a whole new level. It's horrifying. The US has also backed out of the nuclear test ban treaty created after the cold war and has been trying to test these mini-nukes in the Nevada desert. People in the state have been protesting, and this is now "on hold" (for now). Bush has also eliminated the mandate that we do not attack other countries without provocation or proof that they pose an immediate threat to us. Now we can attack anyone (Iran & Syria) at any time (soon) for any reason (oil & power). This is also a likely result of the fallout from the WMD fuck up before the war in Iraq. The Bush family and their cronies are determined to take control of the Middle East. I guarantee you we will be squaring off with Iran and Syria before this goon leaves office. Mark my words.

I know it all sounds "gloom and doom", but my friend, never in my life have I been so concerned about the abuse of power this administration continues to display and the direction they're leading us. It's the "don't be so negative" and "that stuff is too depressing" mentality that gives birth to complacency and allows this corrupt regime to continue it's actions. I'm just as baffled by the ignorance that John Q. Public has about the atrocities that are going on. Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, the approved use of torture, illegal wire-tapping. We've lost the values and the morals this country was based on. The qualities and characteristics that have allowed our nation to thrive and become the superpower we are today. Sure, you have to fight dirty every now & then, but this stuff crosses the line by miles. We can detain anyone we deem "enemy combatants" INDEFINITELY without a trial. What the hell is THAT about? Can you say, Communist Russia? In their mind, there are no repercussions. Look at what they've gotten away with so far. "Fuck the constitution...I'm going to invade your privacy, limit your freedoms and silence your voice. And what are you going to do about it??"

Every great nation eventually falls. It's been proven throughout the history of mankind. No matter how strong, how dominant, how powerful or prosperous, it's an inevitable fact of the world as we know it. But when the pillars begin to crumble, do we sit idly by on the sidelines twiddling our thumbs and watch as a handful of people tear it down? Or do we take a stand and fight like hell to maintain what we have worked so hard to establish. For years now I've been reading, researching, keeping a watchful eye on various news sources, and paying very close attention to the world around us. In doing so I have essentially been sitting on the sidelines...watching as a helpless spectator as the infrastructure of this nation continues to be tainted and diminished by a handful of cock sucking power mongers.

I find it harder and harder to stand around and watch. I am angered and enraged. I feel absolutely helpless and powerless. That petition (http://political.moveon.org/dontnukeiran/)...I know it probably won't amount to a pile of shit, but if it spreads even an ounce of awareness, then maybe the groundwork can be laid for eventual action. I don't want to be "that guy who thinks the sky is falling" always sending scary emails to the masses about the truth they refuse to see. So what do I do? Where do I go? How do I open people's eyes? I have yet to find the answers to these questions as I am in the infancy of my own action.

But I will continue to strive to figure this out, one way or another. Times are changing, and it's up to us to determine whether they change for better or for worse.

K

OK, so we're on day number 3 of this bullshit. Typically and historically, I've been a two and out kind of guy. Two days, no matter how bad or how severe, and I'm DONE. This is certainly not the case with this flu. I'm just a hair better than I was on Monday, but not by much. Kristen sucked it up and went to the doc today for her flu. She encouraged me to join her, but my stubborn ways prevailed and I stayed home. I'm far too dizzy to experience the outside world, and right now light and sound are my enemy. Second only to the germs that have invaded me.

I'm not a big believer in modern medicine (unless it's for recreational purposes). My theory is, let the body fend for itself. If you use antibiotics as a crutch, your immune system becomes a total pussy, and the next time a speck of germ hits you, it mind as well be the Ebola virus. Fuck that. I'm digging trenches, bearing down, battening the hatches and riding this one out sans meds. It's man vs. microbial virus. Come and get me punk ass bitch!

I must say that being pent up in my house for 3 straight days does take a toll on the mind. My living room is a dark cave of pestilence and disease. Lord only knows what kind of germs are floating around this place...mutating into stronger, more resistant strains. If you ask me, I think they're conspiring against me. They're probably all huddled under a cushion beneath me, formulating a plan of attack. A second wave...perhaps flanking me from the right end table. I should get rid of this grocery bag that is overflowing with used tissues. They could use that as their launching point for their airborne sorties. Fuckin A. It's go time.

If this should be my last correspondence, know that I have enjoyed my time with you all...however intimate, brief or inebriated it may have been. In some way, shape, or form, you have all molded me into the man I am today. Or at least I would have you think so. But enough about that. I must devise a line of defense....or as the Canadians and Europeans would say, "defence". Pussies...using a C instead of an S. I bet you they all use antibiotics.

Until next time,

K

Being sick sucks ass. It completely, undoubtedly, wholeheartedly sucks royal, open, rotting ass. One minute I was great...went grocery shopping, did some laundry...then BAM!!! What the hell is that gnawing pain in the back of my throat??

Son of a bitch.

I break out the Airborne, the Zicam, the vitamins...anything and everything to stop this bastard in its tracks. I make herbal concoctions, doing voodoo with chicken bones, dog hair, belly button lint...anything within arms reach. I've GOT to beat this thing!!

A little background on my weekend, which may shed some light on my current situation. Mrs. B and I spent a long weekend on Boston, sightseeing and visiting my new brother and sister in-law and their baby. Boston this time of year, for those of you who make note of this sort of thing, IS FUCKING COLD!! Luckily I checked the weather beforehand and had prepared for this. What I did not foresee was the rain. The cold, dreary rain. Add on to that the wind tunnel effect that skyscrapers create in large cities, and you're clawing your way up the street against 30 mph winds.

Son of a bitch.

OK, so I should have seen this coming. I live in Florida...weather's been mild, bordering on the hot side...I then visit cold dreary hell. Perfect combination of primordial soup to create what is now a hellacious, evil, mind-numbing flu.

Son of a bitch.

My throat feels like Freddy Kreuger conducted a symphony in my esophagus; my nasal passages are clogged like John Holmes in a pre-teen virgin midget; I've got the equilibrium of Nick Nolte after a coke, booze, amphetamine, ether, and meth binge; and my body aches like I went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson...in his prime. You know, when he was pounding Robin "I walked into a wall" Givens.

Well, enough about this. I can't see straight anymore. I want some chicken-fucking-noodle-soup!!!

Son of a bitch.